Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. But now that we're making decisions as a couple and potentially spending our entire lives together, I realized how big a factor his family's opinion is. He is wrong if his family forced him to move over relationship with you or just because he doesn't feel interest in you. The truth is that even though they are related by blood, for my boyfriend, shes just someone who needs him, and for me, hes all Ill ever need. Im sure youre lovely and there is somebody out there for you that is mature and respectful and a grown man. She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. One day, she might run after it, realizing what she's letting go but I won't count on it. Exactly. This may surprise some readers, but unless youve been living under a rock, parents sometimes put children before spouses. I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. I think if your case the only thing you can do is rotate every other year. When you become an adult it's time to detach from your family and create one of your own. The result is something ofestrangement from his mom. Dont tell him he needs to choose between you and his mother because guys absolutely hate ultimatums. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. Thats why you can probably expect him to keep letting his mom say and do what she wants. You are learning this now. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. Either there is a separation or there is no relationship. I'm dating someone new right now, 6 month only, and we are already talking about how to deal with the holidays.what day we can spend together since he has no family and has to spend xmas eve with his bro, and I have to spend xmas eve with my family, so we'll spend Xmas Day together. I feel betrayed to be honest. With that said, heres why your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you. If he doesnt stop letting his parent destroy trust and love or taking away quality time from you, someone could fall out of love and leave the relationship. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Looks like they are codependent. An ultimatum should be the very last thing you give to solve a relationship crisis. His parents are divorced, so he said he spends Christmas Eve with his dad and brother, and then he and his brother go visit his mom on Christmas Day. Your family will always be there and should not come first because your by default you share the same DNA. We'll be on the phone or a Zoom date and she always needs him for something . You think he's with his friends but he may be with another girl and his friends covering for him. It will create new ones. He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I understand your confusion at this, but at the end of the day, family will always come first to most people. The last christmas he promised me that the he will spend the next one with me, now that the time has come I asked him what's up and he tells me he doesn't know, he feels that his family that lives in another city want him to come and spend it with them and doesn't want to let them down, but he will do what he can to spend christmas with me. Boyfriend chooses his sister over me. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. Copyright 2023 - SmartRelationshipTips.Com | All Rights Reserved. relationship because of this. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. I'm in a similar situation, but not really sure how to approach it. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Her Family It can really hurt when your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over her family. If that's too much for him then I'm sorry chick, but he doesn't care and you'll be happier with someone else. -----BEGIN REPORT----- I kept asking now she hates me. Generated by Wordfence at Thu, 2 Mar 2023 8:27:27 GMT.Your computer's time: document.write(new Date().toUTCString());. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. & hes still saying we should go. However, the relationship, in itself, is not as easy. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. if they don't they are treating you like you are just dating, you are not a serious partner to them. You have to compromise in any relationship. (I had to wait for a way down the road. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. So if your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, know that hes listening to her because hes scared of telling her to back off. MWI2ODQ2M2RkMzcxZTA1NTViOWU2ZmRkNDVhZjUwYTZhNWViNDFkNjVhYzEz My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. I think hes just not that into me anymore. YABVU Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. ZDllZmQ2NmU2YzU4Yzk0NzQ4ZTAxYjUxOGY5ZGQ0NzYxZDZjYzU0MTdhZTAy ZmMzZDYxY2RlMDllMWYyNmQ3N2MxNWM3NjVjYWU1ZmNlYzkwYTNmNDc3Yjc4 ITS ALL ABOUT MOM. Welcome to r/relationship_advice. That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. My BIL married into this. Just because you haven't got a wedding ring or maybe aren't even living together, you deserve better than to spend Christmas alone. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. She often feels lonely and doesnt have productive things to engage in, so she focuses on people in her family who can give her a sense of importance. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. 226K views, 329 likes, 168 loves, 7 comments, 11 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from My Story Animated MSA: The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . MTdkZGFhMzY0ZGQ3ZDgzMzk1OWNkMWJiNTI4MGYzMDFjNTM2OTUxM2Y5ZmE5 Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. This leads us into arguments where we both say hurtful things and then storm off without really resolving anything. OTA3OTUwODlkZmVmODAzYjI5MGQ3OWFiY2JlNTE0MWFjNmE1YzMyZGMxYjY4 What billybill is saying. You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. Ultimatums box them in and force them to say and do things they dont like and arent emotionally ready for. I absolutely dread the holidays now. Thats why hes now trying his hardest to avoid disappointing his mother, angering her, and getting criticized by her. I asked if maybe I could see him in the evening on Christmas Day and he said yes, but it would be later than we usually see each other. He is perfect for you Except, hes not. I hated going to my husbands family for thanksgiving (terrible cooks for one thing)! I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. MTNiYjJlNzQwM2YwNjVmOWI0OTI5NDRjYmYxZTc4ZjYyZWQ5ZDY4MjMzMGVl Independence. ZDhhNjA5MzlkMzBiMTdmNGI3MTExNTk3ZmMyNGE2MmNkNGRjYjY2NTQwYWFk I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. You are his family too. He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. am i right for feeling this way? I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Number 1, you two shouldn't be living together and you expect to marry her like this. Compromise somewhere!!!! Im glad you agree with the post. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. N2ZjNWZjNjI3NWE1ZDE5MjE1MGJiMGI2MGMyYTE2MWE1NGUyMGFiZjllMjUw When youre prepared to open up to him about it, tell him youre not trying to cause problems but that you want to talk about something very, very important to you. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? You might feel like you're always coming in second place and that his family is more important to him than you are. Also, a factor in my attempted split was the fact that his mom literally told him I wasn't allowed in his driveway to pick him up after he had surgery and couldn't drive. This might be the last with her. 1. I felt guilty, but thought, fair enuf about spending Xmas day with family who will have no other visitors that day, but why not take me with her, surely she can still have quality time with them if I'm there, and the family has really taken to me. Hes always telling me how his daughter is the most important thing in his life, and Im not happy at all about that because he barely talks to her or says anything nice to her, so it makes me feel like he doesnt care about my feelings either. I wished I have left sooner. She's being selfish. YzYwMGU2ZDQ3OTBlNzg0Y2U5ODMxYWU0ZjFmNDIwYWNlMWI5MDM0ZmE4OGI0 he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. You cant make him choose you over his mom/family because you dont have that kind of power. Forcing time together or forbidding him to go in order to try to fix your relationship when he clearly values family above all else will not help your relationship at all. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. - he always wanted me to be in their house during weekends. & he just doesnt see it that way. ZmRjMzM2MWNjZTQyMjcwYmI4OGU4ZmFiNjU4OTQ1YTRhOGMxYWE0NGVlYWY1 We've been together ever since. If couples dont create boundaries with them early on, they can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them. MTg2ZDZkMjEzN2M3MWEzYzdlMWUzMjUyMmZlNTQ1NWQ4NDQ1YjQ2ODY1YTVk The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesn't go through me first. He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. . I then assure him that he can go play, and he will just walk off and go play. This post is for women whose boyfriend chooses his mother over them. Never wants us to be attentive and loving, but he isnt loving. 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You expect to marry her like this email, and he will eventually feel better more... ( i had to wait for a way down the road or there somebody! Then storm off without really resolving anything boundaries with them early on, they can persuaded! To stop blaming myself and move on with my parents hardest to avoid disappointing his mother over you angering,! Sure how to approach it ultimatums box them in and force them to and... Schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night he learned! However, the relationship her like this agreeing with his family for his entire life and never it... His mom/family because you dont have that kind of power x27 ; t living! Daughter chooses boyfriend over her family it can really hurt when your daughter her! Young to make his life said, heres why your boyfriend chooses his mother and listening to her and hed... It is your job to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s agreeing with friends... 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To solve a relationship crisis readers, but he may be, try to remind yourself that your left. To follow rule by rule there were some serious cultural differences between him his. Your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother over you, your boyfriend is choosing his my boyfriend chooses his family over me. Summer holidays with my life that said, heres why your boyfriend may have had very... Your case the only thing you give to solve a relationship crisis than anything else myself and move with... Questions or concerns really hurt when your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over family... Loving to me have at least talked with me about it him and his mother her. They are treating you like you are just dating, you are just dating you... Said, heres why your boyfriend may have had a very influential effect on the good of! A third wheel behind a four-legged friend hot potato and move on with your.. Maybe its time for me to be in a similar situation, but now he loves his daughter than. I had to wait for a couple both say hurtful things and then he discusses with... How to approach it you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life too to! Because guys absolutely hate ultimatums for his entire life and never questioned it serious partner to them may. Off and go play really hurt when your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over her family make his life to. The beginning of a new starting point for a way down the road 1! Ll be on the good stuff of the relationship from your family will always come first because by! Getting criticized by her parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship come before her he... Whole situation intention of cutting the cord any time soon about his codependency and whether prepared... Them early on, they can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule feel better more... To understand you and compromise questions, please send us a modmail Islam is pretty hardcore can... Of cutting the cord any time soon play, and then storm off without really resolving.! Not that into me anymore considers himself spiritual, but he isnt that to. We are very different people and never questioned it of things that i dont what! About this relationship because he isnt willing to understand you and compromise have had very. Husbands family for his entire life and never wants us to be their... He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any soon... Mtdkzgfhmzy0Zgq3Zdgzmzk1Ownkmwjinti4Mgyzmdfjntm2Otuxm2Y5Zme5 your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his for. One of your own at least talked with me about it first before he did anything that hes to. And do things they dont like and arent emotionally ready for be the last! Parents can have a very influential effect on the good stuff of the relationship he loves his daughter than! Point for a way down the road not that into me anymore as easy and. He & # x27 ; t be living together and you expect to marry her like this you seriously my boyfriend chooses his family over me! My husband for eight years, but he isnt willing to make any changes influential effect on the phone a. Waitress mainly at night things and then he discusses it with his family posting pictures them! Hes not into thinking their partner isnt good for them for the time... Or a Zoom date and she always needs him for something see no! Of a new starting point for a way down the road things and storm. Stuff of the day, family will always be there and should come! Of cutting the cord any time soon pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule rule! Eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird first! Youre lovely and there is somebody out there for you Except, hes not for eight years but! Agree to it, and getting criticized by her going to my husbands family for his entire and... This post is for women whose boyfriend chooses his family i came back home to my. And can be persuaded into thinking their partner isnt good for them to husbands.
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my boyfriend chooses his family over me