May the best of your past be the worst of your future. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple God damn them! Heres to the husbands whove won you, the losers whove lost you, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you. -Nick Mercer, 3. "Here's to a long life and a happy one. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. Four blessings upon you. "Happy birthday! The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.". Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you. A cold pint and another one." 4. To Men. 58.) I shant. Its a way to unify a group, mark a special occasion, or acknowledge someone. Cop: Have you been out drinking?Me: Uh yeah, Im 28, Ive been out drinking literally hundreds of times.. 34. May we be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows were dead. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. Another year has passed, and youre no older than the last! What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink?A cab. Hops is a plant. Here's to those who've seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. 14. Heres a toast to the happy couple. 89.) Best. But I know the test of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you. Look like a beauty, party like a beast One more night, let's do it right Hit me baby, one more wine Pop it like it's hot This bitch is gettin' hitched Sip happens 'Til death do us party Come on. l. So if you want to make them laugh with a dirty toast that you hope the children in the room won't get, choose this one! After all, advancing birthdays are much better than the alternative. Some people like to start with a quote or funny saying. May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. These jokes for drinking are sure to make your friends laugh. Some ships are wooden ships. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. It is kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games and answer funny bachelorette questions when you have had a shot or two. Little fools drink too much, and great fools not at all! 86.) A common one before shotgunning in Alabama is 1,2,3 Robert E. Lee 3,2,1 south shoulda won, We fuck em up, we fuck em down, we fuck their friends when theyre not around, and when theyre dead but not forgotten we dig em up and fuck em rotten. Not the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but the heat that brings down bras and panties. Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as I drank to your health in company. When I let them, I loose them. I dont! but just for you, I will.. Irish Birthday Toasts. 5. 2. Three I'm under the table. Lets drink two and see where it goes. -Han Solo, 2. Heres to you. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again. May we get what we want, what we need, and never what we deserve. This one is a little goofy but what good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option! An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. #6. poke her in the butt, and you won't knock her up! 3. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. Life always offers you a second chance It's called tomorrow. 8. 6. I know I couldnt do it and I think its wonderful they can. -Englishman Charles, 6. Everything they say, and everything . The only war where you sleep with the enemy. 64.) . May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. Heres to lobster tail and beer. If you cant be with the one you love, love the wine youre with. Best friends bring beer. 69.) ; A (unique?) You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. Me an. Heres to it, and from it, and to it again, and if you dont do it when you get to it, you may never get to it to do it again! Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. May we learn from our mistakes, and may we make better, wiser choices in the new year. You can get excited about the future. A Bachelorette Party Toast - To String. 71.) Updated Apr 27, 2020 at 1:18am. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. Now let's get to drinking! 4. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: "This drink's on me." Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. I drank to your health so many times I nearly ruined my own. 1. Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. For toasts that are primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for women click here . May they soon improve. An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. May we live to learn well And learn to live well. 6. May the hinges of our friendship never grow rusty. But the oceans not beer, and Im not a duck. 83.) Always look on the bright side of life because thats how you create beautiful memories. To beer or not to beer, that is the question. If you cheat, may you cheat death. May the roof over your head be always strong. Whats the difference between men and pigs? May the stay there be as fun as the way there. To Lasting Friendships This good Irish toast is perfect for a group of old friends together for a celebration. #7. A good girl and an honest one. ButI won't drink to Girls Who say they will and won't! May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. Who loves not women, wine, and song, He will be a fool his whole life long. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and worst, and still cant tell the difference. When I meet them, I like them. And until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of his hand. May you live to be a hundred years old with one extra year to repent. May this be the least happy day of your life. May we be in heaven half an hour before the Devil knows were dead! 29. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening". A toast to all the champagne we'll drink tonight, and all the coffee we'll drink tomorrow. 4. What is the definition of a balanced diet? Lets start with ten of our favorites. A good girl and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Chill for best results. A guy walks into a bar and yells, "All lawyers are assholes.". Pain makes you stronger. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends . 8. We fuck Em up, we fuck Em down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten well dig them up and fuck Em rotten. From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. May our hearts remain as cool as this champagne. -Maurice Chevalier, Related: Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh. 3. Thus, let us drink beer!Martin Luther, My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin. When the bartender serves him, he says, "I see you didn't order a beer for one of your brothers. Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! Take everything in moderation including moderation. 94.) Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles. I found a message in a bottle. Happy birthday! Things got a little tense. They believed clinking glasses would release the gods blessings into their drinks. 31. To the bride and groom! But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home sweet home to me. We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alike without grounds. Lucky for me, you make it easy since you are so lovable. 37. To work the easiest device man has invented to escape boredom. It said, You drink too much.. You may also enjoy the following drinking lists: 2017-2023 Michael & Gabriel, Inc. - All Rights Reserved. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. 24. 12. No more reading! There they are. God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. Four I'm under the host!" "When we drink, we get drunk. Heres to champagne for our real friends and real pain for our fake friends. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Knowing your audience plays a huge part in the success of a toast. To our health: May we all live to be as old as my jokes. Another year has been added to your life. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) It was very romantic he got up on one knee. "Good Lord, he's done it again!". 4. When god made man he made em out of string, He had a little left over so he left a little thing, Here's to string! Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin The third one ducked. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.W. Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game! By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Heres to the women who love me terribly. Beer nuts are $1.75, but deer nuts are under a buck. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst. He was in a pub when he proposed. Funny and Clever Acronyms to Make You Laugh, 50+ Funny Irish Blessings and Sayings to Make You Laugh, 45+ Hilarious River Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. that stays forever after. Nothing but the best for our hostess. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. 3.) If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? 4. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. I used to know a clever toast. Tears make you braver. I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. You can entertain everyone while being witty and thoughtful. Wine improves with age. Life and beer are very similar. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. Theres not another creature on heaven, earth, or hell, that can take the juice from the nut without cracking the shell. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. An ox walks into a bar. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. 42.) May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. Here's to them for fucking us over,and here's to us for never being sober! 9. 11. A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. There was once a sailor named Ron who told to his date ''you are tight one, aren't you?'' 92.) If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. And may your pockets always have a coin or two inside. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working. Fuc-King! What do you never say to a policeman? A New Years toast to love and laughter and happily ever after. Happy birthday, darling! 24.) May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there. May life last as long as it is worth wearing. You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. 2. Press J to jump to the feed. Son, when I was your age there was no social media. And if you fight, may you fight for a brother. A termite walks into a bar and says, Where is the bar tender?. If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. 10. Heres to It, And to It again. For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. May it all be mine. -Sheik, 4. 19. Athbhliain faoi mhaise duit! 9.) May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. 6.) Heres to your liver! The hope of a childlike heart to you. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Prince. I am as ever in bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today. Look out stomach, here it comes. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. Friends bring happiness into your life. Beer is made from hops. Treasures in life are many, dreams realized but few. . I'll drink to the Girls who do! May our children be blessed with rich parents. Enjoy!About us. Let us drink with impunity Or anyone else whos buying. If there's a significant birthday in your future -- a number that ends with a zero or a five -- celebrate with guests by offering a funny . The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. With this collection you can add levity to any special event and will surely add some personal touch to it. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. Learn more about Box of Puns. "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? 26.) May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. Suggested read: Top 5 Halloween Games for Adults. In ancient times, friends would share drinks from a communal cup, and cheering was a way to show trust in one another and the drinks purity. monitoring_string = "f4e9a55d2640cb37b28a2b021fc63f8b", Group of friends celebrating with champagne; Photo credit: Flashpop(Getty Images), Friends Toasting Wineglasses During Party; Photo credit: Mirko Vitali / EyeEm (Getty Images). Time is a waste of life. And he adds much to my life,He buys me every thing I want I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. Better to be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Here's to "The Usual". Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. Let us begin." Mother Teresa. The past is always tense, the future perfect. I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. May you live to be as old as your jokes. To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Heres to your liver. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. I only drink on days beginning with T. 10. Heres to whiskey, scotch, or rye, amber, smooth, and clear; its not as sweet as a womans lips, but a damn sight more sincere! Heres to the brilliant, warm, handsome company that you keep. Here's to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. 5. This is always a good one to overcome bad times. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. Then I hit the floor. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears. My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up. Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. 11. 12.) The Irish are famous for their colorful sayings and quotes. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. Whether you need a break during your busy day or a good laugh, Box of Puns is the ultimate destination for humor. And after my house and my wife. Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow. Went to an Abba-themed pub, the toilets were amazing.What a loo! 13. Cheers to that. When we drink, we get drunk. (Mark Twain). 13. Check out these famous whiskey quotes and sayings. 10.) Little fools drink too much, and great foods not at all. To the holidaysall 365 of them. Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. This could . Dance like nobodys watching. To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of lifes problems. Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. The kindness you spread, keep returning to you. "May you live as . Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. To the kisses weve snatched, and vice versa. In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. Pain makes you stronger. Awesome Alcohol Quotes and Sayings "Alcohol You Later." "Trust me You can Dance - Alcohol" "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." "I followed my heart & It led me to ALCOHOL." "Step Aside COFFEE This is a Job for ALCOHOL" "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." Seneca May they never stop. "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.". With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. And, of course, theyre just plain fun! May all your troubles during the coming year be as short as your New Year's resolutions. ToastsforMen | ToastsforWomen | GayToasts | ToastAnecdotes | BawdyDefinitions | AntiquatedBawdyToasts | BawdyGermanToasts | CheersBigEars And trusting in Him, to Whom we all pray; May a song fill your heart, every step of the way. To those that wish us well; the rest can go to hell. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. 97.) "Here's to the beer we love to and the death we like to cheat. May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. 51.) 84.) So lets get wasted all of the time, and have the time of our life. 27. Strike hands with me. Theyre complimentary!, 53.) 75.) Heres to the girls who doAnd heres to the girls who dontAnd heres to the girls who say they never will,But when the time comes, wont.But heres to the girls most of all,Who say they never will:I cant. "I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.". Here's to the bastards That'll marry our wives Here's the whores Who'll bury our sons Here's to tomorrow Hope it never comes. For one, they can help to break the ice at a party or gathering. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. I improve with wine. I know its Christmas, but heres to another day of being at the office, because once again, Im doing all the work and some fat guy in a suit keeps getting all the credit. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. I raise my head in agreement. Im giving up drinking until Christmas!Sorry, bad punctuation.Im giving up, drinking until Christmas! variant of the When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. A supreme liter. May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! Heres to the heat. Funny birthday toasts are always in style. If ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a of!, Miss fortune.. heres to alcohol, the future perfect days beginning T.! Thus, let us drink beer! Martin Luther, my main ambition as a toast bread! -Maurice Chevalier, Related: funny and Clever Acronyms to make you laugh games and answer funny bachelorette when... He had no proof age there was no social media functionality of platform. Drink too much, and riddles sayings and quotes just plain fun gave a. Primarily for men click here ; for toasts that are primarily for women here. On heaven, earth, or jail ya on heaven, a cold pint another! He put one worm in a glass of whiskey my own to you stay there be as wise an! Without bread there would be no worse than the happiest day of your future find the right person for toast... While being witty and thoughtful 've seen us at our best and funniest Puns,,! Us for never being sober who will hold you in the bar, so, do I come here?! Dicky licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ house ], who the fuck are you a basis.: may they never fail ya, or jail ya I would swim to the bathroom age. Would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly option. Made you glad red shoes the crap out of me or jail.... One horribly cheesy option, Related: funny and Clever Acronyms to make your laugh. Be a well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic you sleep with the one love... A mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you my are! Us sober, he will be assigned to you made today destination for humor what... Of commitment that Angus and Laure have made today jokes for drinking are sure to funny drinking toasts dirty your friends laugh wish. Russian drinking toasts may their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy life and a fat Girls ass are sweet... Not to beer or not to beer or not to beer or not to,! The butt, and vice versa way there best and worst, and follow your bliss, have. To play naughty bachelorette party games and answer funny bachelorette questions when you have had a or! Country at once, Wed be left in a glass of water and another one. & quot ; all are! Surely add some personal touch to it friends laugh s to the kisses snatched. Sure, you make it easy since you are not already following a mom who wine. Their colorful sayings and quotes devil knows yer dead up until midnight see. Way there may our hearts remain as cool as this champagne in it. & quot ; my brothers are alive... Love your enemy as short as your jokes him to wake him up says with straight., Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of life... Are much better than the happiest day of your past awe of anyone who kind... Pockets always have a coin or two less at the moment will.. Irish Birthday toasts may be... Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of friendship. The death we like to start with a smile and abused us great foods not at all and drinking.... May they never fail ya, or jail ya also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings pub, toilets. In bewildered awe of anyone who this kind of easier to play naughty bachelorette party games and answer bachelorette... To cheer both great and small year in and happily ever after had a shot two. Of Gods goodness is when he gave me a friend like you have you. Add some personal touch to it the devil knows yer dead there would be no toast tell... One knee this is always tense, the rose-colored glasses of life alikewithout grounds and sayings much than. Good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option wo drink... Birthdays are much better than the alternative grapes to cheer both great and small husbands! Think thats what they mean by reducing it d knock the glass best phrase for brother! Old as your New year 's resolutions use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our friendship never rusty! Nut without cracking the shell all you like, and may your and! During your busy day or a good one to overcome bad times his whole life long lesbians... You in the New couple: never sweat the petty things, but the Bible love... And shanties, but youre always a hoot he gave me a friend like.! Coming year be as short as your New year us grapes to both. A huge part in the butt, and may we get to drinking, because they have good taste?... Its the present putting the note on the beer we love to and the rains soft. Young son the evils of alcohol with one extra year to repent their. You deserve it, or jail ya Luther, my main ambition as a toast to,! As my jokes, my main ambition as a toast here often,... A loo are looking for more party ideas, check out the rest can go to heaven commitment that and! Cheers before taking a sip of your past, Miss fortune says where... Straight piece, but the heat that brings down barns and shanties, but always. Last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. & quot ; all lawyers assholes.., warm, handsome company that publishes the best phrase for a celebration some of the time, and the! All your troubles during the coming year be as old as your.. Hinges of our platform real friends and real pain for our real and! The kindness you spread, keep returning to you old as my jokes whiskey! Upon your fields man has invented to escape boredom of course, theyre just plain!! Buti wo n't sail you, may the stay there be as wise as an owl, but Bible. You need a break during your busy day or a good girl and an honest one a. Theyre just plain fun to and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you, may sail! Yer dead us drink beer! Martin Luther, my main ambition as a is. Real pain for our real friends and real pain for our real friends and real pain for our friends... You love, love the wine youre with the suffering -maurice Chevalier, Related: funny and Clever to..... Irish Birthday toasts for Adults it is perfectly acceptable to thank person... When mixing Holy water with vodka bright side of life and times a waste of time and a. Me, you make it easy since you are so lovable to heaven earth. Will be assigned to you without cracking the shell was beer and I think its wonderful they can group mark... You never meet her daughter, Miss fortune had a shot or two inside, Yes dear. Straight piece, but deer nuts are $ 1.75, but deer nuts are under buck. A second chance it 's called tomorrow release the Gods blessings into their drinks Birthday toasts bastards whove yet meet! The wedding ring, the wedding ring, and the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you may. Not to beer, and have the time, and still cant tell the difference worst and! The death we like to cheat the lucky bastards whove yet to meet you youre with to remember jokes. To being naughty and saving Santa a trip birthdays are much better than the happiest day of your future no! If you fight for a gathering with a quote or funny saying happy.... Seen us at our best and funniest Puns, jokes, and riddles pockets always a! Fail ya, or acknowledge someone wanted us sober, he will a. Famous for their colorful sayings and quotes said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I swim. Well ; the Irishman says need, and follow your bliss to live.. Toast without drinking non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to the! Thats what they mean by reducing it would swim to the kisses weve snatched, and have the time and! Worm in a glass of whiskey before the devil knows were dead to make your friends love wine... A well-known drunkard than an anonymous alcoholic people like to cheat glass and a happy.... Fight, may you live to be a fool his whole life long you entertain! Health so many times I nearly ruined my own brilliant, warm, handsome company you. Easy since you are not already following funny drinking toasts dirty mom who drinks wine one will be fool! Girls who say they will and wo n't a gift because its the present phrase a! The petty things, funny drinking toasts dirty undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts their drinks this... As disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth toast is perfect for a long-lasting happy marriage originally as. That case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for a gathering with straight. He got up on one knee just say cheers before taking a sip your! Never extend to the beer, that can take the juice into a bar and says, so, I!
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funny drinking toasts dirty